"There there, I’m sorry I scared you. *pats and kisses* you’re a good dog, good dog."
As soon as you turn the lights off start masturbating. No monster wants to see that shit. While doing it, stare at the corner and whisper, tenderly, “this is for you”.
And then the shadows growl at you and say, “Mine. You’re all mine.”
Proceed to have a secret relationship with the monster in your closet to make the shadows jealous.
Plot Twist: The Monster wants a threesome with you and the shadows.
This is so great
once i was babysitting my neighbor’s 6 year old and she asked me why i was so ugly and without thinking i said “i’m you from the future” and she cried for like 30 minutes